May 1st 2010 will mark the launch of an annual celebration of all things New Labour: The 'Nanny State' Party. It will be a raucous affair where everyone can let their hair down and party like it's 1997.

Every party needs something to make it go with a bang, and this party will be no different. There will plenty of Nanny State ale to consume, and for those who prefer the grape, over the hop, bottles of Recession Red, to help celebrate the end of "boom and bust" economics. (Alcoholic drinks vouchers will be handed out at the door on entry, limiting people to the correct daily amount). Both will be served in recycled plastic glasses. Catering will be provided by our 'Five-a-day" officers who will be serving a wholly nutritional platter of organic fruits and vegetables. Nibbles will be in the form of organic pulses, beans and muesli. For guests who wish to smoke, there will be a controlled outside environment where we will allow 'electronic' cigarettes. For those who wish to consume nicotine in the old fashioned way you will be handed a nicotine patch and signed up to an intensive six week NHS Smoking Cessation course.

"Things Can Only Get Better" by D:Ream will be the only song available on the jukebox. And Harriet Harman is to be the spokesperson of choice, giving her view of the past 12 years. So please RSVP for your ticket soon to ensure your place at what's going to be the party of next year. We also want to ensure that we record your details on our 'entertainment' database which will of course allow us to issue you with your party ID card. John Prescott will be on the door and enforcing a no ID card, no entry policy.

The event will be powered by renewable energy and there will be ample bicycle and electrical car parking. An OFSTED licensed creche will also be available. Tickets only cost £13,000 (roughly equivalent to your share of the national debt). RSVP now and we'll even pay for your CRB check.