The government has announced that new ‘bureaucracy zones’ will be set up all over the UK in order to boost economic growth. The initiative was developed by James Nanni, Professor of Keynesian Economics at Cambridge University in his book ‘The Big Standstill’. It is planned that 13,558 new jobs will be created in each bureaucracy zone. Nine constituencies are thought to have applied for bureaucracy zone status. The move has been welcomed by the leisure industry, and will be part financed from European Structural Funds.

Chris Huhne MP, the new Bureaucracy Czar, said: ‘It’s all planned. Thousands of diversity managers, NHS administrators, communication officers and outreach workers will be taken on to manage the queues of people lining up from outside the zones’.

Labour Leader Ed Milliband said: 'Once again, the government is copying Labour Party policies. During its time in office, Labour increased bureaucracy by far more than this government ever will. This is just an excuse for savage cuts, which will hurt bureaucrats'.

In a statement, the Taxpayers’ Alliance said it was ‘outraged’ by the initiative. Its criticism was brushed aside by the new Community Investment Office. ‘This is not spending. Instead we are investing in communities and hard working families. It will be entirely self-financing through the creation of growth by the state out of nowhere. The purchasing power of those thousands of new bureaucrats will give a boost to the economy, like a snake eating its own tail’ (surely not? ed.).

‘It’s all free’, Professor Nanni confirmed. ‘Free money from the European Union, free money from the redirection of existing spending commitments, and free money from partnerships with communities and private companies. A £45 billion contract with the IT industry has been signed, to design a completely new suite of software for each zone’.

Activity in the bureaucracy zone will include new form shops, a Health and Safety Academy, and the new Blog Permit Authority for the approval of individual blog entries. One of the new infrastructure projects is a new high speed bridge, leading to nowhere. When it is almost ready it will be destroyed and rebuilt again.

The new initiative is thought to have received interest from Venezuela, Greece and Brussels.